whatsername

friday bren came over to my place after our very productive gym training. i wanted jj to come too but he couldnt. bren and me were in kinda some sorta spying mood that day..shan't elaborate but it was fun doing what we did at J8 and at my place..like some playground man my estate.ha so anyways he left that night after trying my dad's otahs which i must say..are very good! better than the real thing i tell him. bet it made his day.haha

sat came and went and i was kinda pissed with the way sat turned out. not so much what we did but what we didnt do. oh well. something like that i'm not sure what i'm talking about too anyway. so like my sis and I met my cousins in cityhall to go marina square to go bowling. i hate bowling unless it's at kelvin's club. anyway so we were there on time and they were late..as usual. sometimes i should just be late too..like fashionably late. i'm always early or on time. it sucks to wait around doing nothing. so yes anyway we went to bowl and i hated the bowling shoes they gave us. why do they always always have to make bowling shoes so ugly and uncomfortable. i swear they do it on purpose or something just to see us in a ridiculous manner.

what i was really cheesed out about yesterday was that i had to miss the wings' gathering at vjc for some crappy dinner with my grandparents to celebrate new year's eve. for christ's sake it wasn't even new year's eve. it was the eve of new year's eve. it's just because it's some tradition or something which i understand anyway. but ya it wasnt a grand affair or anything either. ate at the hallal food court banquet and ate some fish and chips that were kinda not so good..made me feel sick and all. the coffee was good though. anyway i could have still gone for the gathering at vj after the dinner but i thought it would be damn lame or something to turn up when everyone was about to leave. i didnt really want to go for it for the wings ppl or whatever..it's just that all my favourite track friends were going except amanda and me. and i hate being left out. haha insecurities huh. oh ya speaking of amanda..i wanted to surprise visit her after bowling at citilink adadas but i guess she wasn't working then.

so that night i went home and watched 2 vcds back to back cause i was so bored. alien vs predator and MI3. the former i havent watched before but the latter i already did. it was worth it anyway.

anyways this morning..sun new year's eve..i woked up feeling damn depressed and lost and whatever words that can be used to describe someone who feels like just disappearing or dying. i rarely wake up that way by the way. so i get up cause i have to leave for church in 25 minutes and i go to brush my teeth feeling as depressed as ever and i realized the reason why all of a sudden. i had a dream which i didnt like. a dream of whatsername. you know i hardly ever have dreams. well this one was particularly disturbing because they say dreams are a reflection of your true thoughts and emotions. it's what you think of in your sub-conscious state and tells the truth about what you want and desire..unlike in reality where you can bluff yourself to believe what you want to believe.

i think it all started on fri when i was in school gyming with bren and jj. we went to the toilet at the quadrangle and the whole bunch of counsellors were there to practice i don't know what shit for the j1 orientation in a few days time. i knew whatsername would be there and i was kinda nervous..didnt want to bump into her. but i was telling them guys that i'm over already..no way am i even gonna wish she was back anymore. whatever. so ya we walked across the quadrangle and we saw whatsisface and like...i shant say.. then like i don't know she comes from but whatsername appears and waves at us..or rather jj. well that kinda scared me a little i dont know why. i'm such a pathetic loser. anyway i guess that had something to do with my dream cause in my dream it went something like whatsername smsed me..kinda asking me if we could start over again and that blah blah blah. i was thinking to myself in my dream that whatsisface must have played and toyed with whatsername. oh well whatever. and in my dream i could remember that i did tell bren and jj that i won't want whatsername back. blah blah blah somemore things happened after that which was the main part that kinda made me feel so depressed. i wont say it i'm sorry. some things are better left to myself. but ya the gist of it all was that if i did dream about this..there has to be a reason and i think i kinda know the answer at the back of my head but i just don't want to admit it. like i said..how loser can i get already man. get over it you bitch daryl!

so ya i went to church and prayed that i would feel better and get over this nonsense..and prayed that whatsername will be better to whatsisface. soften up her cold heart i told god. it really isnt fair to me. and then like it couldn't get worse i saw whatsername in church. luckily whatsername didnt see me. i was wearing the shirt whatsername gave me for my birthday. i should have thrown it away already but it's a nice shirt and all. whatever. plus my heart was racing for like two minutes after i saw whatsername. sheesh. do you think whatsername has already thrown away the gifts i got her?

so yes i went for lunch went shopping with my mum to get her some clothes and i come home and chat on msn. i saw lionel online so i said hi. well he hasnt replied me yet but i saw his display pic. i swear god is doing this to me on purpose. there in his pic was shiming and him..xin yin..and whatsername and whatsisface. stop haunting me! i swear this is sufficient reason for downing a bottle of whiskey.

and i know if any of my close friends read this they would be scolding me again. sheesh. i should scold myself too.

Greenday - whatsername