have some pride boy

i'm sitting here at my com in my bunk and outside my window i see the basketball court where my whole wing is assembled and getting ready to move off for our third consecutive mission/exercise which has been spread across the last three days. sleep has decreased substantially and workload has increased exponentially.

i could be sleeping now, but somehow it just doesn't feel right resting and relaxing when my friends and fellow cadets are out there; not resting and not relaxing.somehow i just feel this sense of guilt..a guilt that i'm not sure i should be having or not.

on wed i booked out to go to cmpb to get an x-ray of my chest because of this nagging weezing cough and tightness in my chest over the last one and a half months. i could carry on with training properly but i thought that maybe i should get it fixed before going for any of my overseas trips with ocs. so i came back on wed and moved out immediately for the first exercise.came back late that night..thur morning to afternoon was spent on the second exercise. i gave my x-ray thingy to the medical centre on thur afternoon and they asked me to come back on fri for the review and that's why i'm down here and they are out there.

somehow deep down at the back of my head the words "chao keng!" are ringing. and i'm sure some or possibly many other people are thinking the same thing about me. and i don't really know if it's actually true.. i believe that the mind is really powerful and it's able to force the body into certain conditions such that it would be favourable to the person in question..in this case, maybe i have such a great desire to escape from training my body is intentionally not getting well so that all this can happen..so that i can have just that little more rest. the ailment is a fact and i guess all these are speculations but somehow it just nags at me, because why should i require more rest when 76 other people do not? i think that maybe i should, maybe i should..i don't knowww...

this morning amanda was awake when i woke up at 445am. i was complaining (as usual) about how tired i was..i meant that i was physically and mentally tired and also tired of this ultra long officership course..but what she said to me kinda woke me up and made me realize what i was doing here in ocs..i quote her "and you know you're doing all this because you're part of the elite okay? you're an officer." and "just remember, i know you feel like giving up. but you were put into this because you were meant to be different, stronger from the start. so persevere okay."

thanks amanda:) i so needed someone to tell me that and remind me that i always wanted to be where i am now. perhaps over the last six months of rigorous training i seem to have lost my direction and forgotten what i'm like. what i am now is not me. i have lost that motivating touch; that special spark i use to have to help others..now others help me.

i think i'm feeling like this only because the last few days have been really taxing. i should be fine on normal occasions. i guess it's only a matter of perspective but yea i do feel drained.anyway if you're wondering i'm not skipping the whole of today's exercise..i'll be down at 10am after my review and i wouldn't have missed out on much of the training yet. this training stretches till 11pm tonight so i'll be involved in the main bulk of it still.

bookout is on sat.i can't wait.

a clockwork orange

try reading this book.i tried and failed.i shall try again next weekend.ha.

P.S. i bet you have read this rachel! right?ha.

threadless!

yay i got a new threadless shirt from ethel.hee.

i went online to find some designs of threadless tees and i thought these were catchy.ha.

drain you

i couldn't think of a title for this post so yea this is the title of the song i'm listening to right now by nirvana.haha.

anyway it's been pretty long since i last wrote here..well it's cause i'm bored of writing in here..oh well.i'm in camp now waiting to go for lunch and i dont have anything to do so yea i guess this is a good way to pass the time..NOT.but i'm still doing it anyway.sheesh.

let's start with last last sun! it was AHM..finally! after so many months of training with the team it was finally time to do it.woke up at 2.45am the night before..or well that morning to get ready for the race cos it started at 5.30am.sheesh.talk about long days ahead..and it was really a long day ahead..well i didnt do too well for the race..i'm supposed to be 6th fastest in the team..but yea after everything was over andi checked the results..i was only 17th in the team..sheesh..oh well..people who have never been infront of me and have only seen my backs while running were overtaking me..but nothing was cooler than miss elain lim!! my ex teacher from cj track and current friend.haha.she overtook me at the 3km mark!!haha.and it was a 21km race.she's good man...goooooood.she completed in 1hour29min..roughly about the same time as the fastest runner in ocs team.HAHA.i did about 1hour37min.sucky..was supposed to run with nabil and jj and dex but yea fell behind..jj and dex did alright with about 1hour30min and nabil about 1hour34min.quite disappointing la but then again it was quite respectable already.haha.



and why i said it would have been a long day was because my PC and AHM teammate..cpt ho..collapsed at the end line and passed away.i don't wanna talk about it anymore but he sure deserves to be rememebered for life..and emulated as well.he was the nicest person i knew in army already.seriously..only the good die young.

the next few days was mainly for his wake..for grieving..and for his funeral..

there was one day that we were allowed to book out but we had to book in the next day..so me and nabil and dev decided to just go town and hang around and play and all..it was a damn fun experience..cos like nabil and I went out all the way to the late night to like eat supper with van and faye and eventually end up sleeping over at eddies's house.haha.we almost didnt have a place to sleep for the night.haha.

went back to cj with faye and angie to collect my A level cert which has been 6months overdue.haha.then went with faye to her sec sch to see her teachers.haha.then watched ratatouille with faye!niceee..our first movie together.haha.it's one of those heart warming snuggle up shows.haha.but yea..then went home and forgot to take my cert back from her back.haha.

went for a long run on sat morning..those like hour plus runs..i miss running on sat mornings..i used to do it with the team every single sat without fail..even when we had a navigation exercise immediately after that..ran for 1hour20min like that but i walked whenever i reached a traffic light.hee.tired laa..ran around ele's house there and she says next time i run pass her house i can ask for a glass of ice cold water!yay!=))

oh yea then last sat i went for sandra's birthday party! i burned her a cd and brought marshmellows and kicakapoo to her house..which i almost couldnt find.haha.it was a very nice and warm party..like she only invited a small group of 6 or 7 friends..and i was one of these special friends.yay! i feel so honoured.haha.and did i mention?the stingray was freaking good.haha.


here's a random pic sandra's sis took at sandra's birthday party - i look like a dork.haha

last sun night we booked in and then booked out on mon afternoon.how cool was that.haha.met up with faye and bren and van and mr wong on mon for lunch and catch up..went to bren's house the whole of yesterday to play xbox360.haha.ok thats about it.

i've been working out i think i'm bigger now.i hope i am bigger now.HAHA.

okay nichola this post is like almost 3 weeks worth but it's still definitely too short for the competion we have.haha.

Nirvana - Drain You